The hardest goodbye

I’m now one week away from the big move. I’ve been spending the last month trying to get ready. Figuring out what to bring, what to save and what to give away or sell, this is the easy part, however time-consuming. The hard part is having to say goodbye.

On Friday I had a get together to say goodbye to my friends. We had some beers and talked and had fun, and even though I once in a while looked around at everyone and realized how much I´m going to miss them all, it was pretty painless. I know they´ll be there when I come back and that we´ll keep in touch even though we´re far apart.
Today I said goodbye to my 15 month old niece, and I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the pain I’m feeling right now. It’s two hours since they left and I’ve been crying a quiet gut wrenching cry ever since. She’s my only niece, and while I’m not usually a baby person, I was ecstatic when I found out my brothers girlfriend was pregnant, and I cried when I got a text telling me that she had been born. Since then I’ve been fortunate to have spend a lot of time with her. She’s this little wonderful person, she’s so curious and smart and has a smile and laugh that’ll light up a room, and she just loves her aunt. I can’t wait to see the absolutely amazing woman that she’ll grow up to be, and I think that this is exactly why this goodbye is so much more painful than any other. Come next Sunday I will say goodbye to my parents and three younger brothers, but I don’t worry about being away from them, we can talk on Skype and catch up on Facebook and emails, and when we visit nothing much will probably have changed since the last time. With Freyja it’s different, sure I can see her on Skype and she can see me and as time passes we can even talk, but I’ll miss all the little stuff and I fear that she’ll forget me, and that when I’m visiting the connection we have now will be gone, that I’ll be just another visitor. And that thought breaks my heart, and all I can think is “I don’t wanna leave, I wanna stay here with her.”
But I have a life to live and a man I want to be with, and unfortunately in order to do that, I have to move to the other side of the world, and I have to say the hard goodbyes. I hope that time will prove me wrong and the goodbyes will just have been ‘I’ll see you laters.’

 

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